Breathless…

 

Yesterday was my first day with nothing to do.

I thought I would write. But, I didn’t. I just knew all the words I have been holding in would gush out through my fingers. But, they didn’t.

I sat around the house, made a few phone calls, sent a few text, made a few Facebook posts. Nothing of substance beyond a much needed well deserved vegetative trance.

Then, a song popped into my head. I stopped breathing for just a moment. The rush of feelings accompanied by an overwhelming urge to breathe overcame me. I didn’t breathe. I didn’t exhale. I wanted to hold all those memories in and not share with anyone. I wanted to bathe in them with hopes they would send me back to those memories. Back to those good and bad times. Back to when life still smelled like fresh cut grass and sweet clover. Back to when the headlights of my mother’s car made the snow look like an endless a field of diamonds. I held my breath to hold in the sweetness. To hold in the love.

The song and the woman’s voice transfixed me. The sound of an angel bypassing my ears and speaking to my heart. I stared out the window, pinning myself to the window frame so no air could escape past me into the wind making my love disappear back to the past, never to be smelled, never to be felt again.

I needed to hear the song coming through the speakers on my laptop. So, I allowed myself to take and release sips of air while I searched. My mind was in overdrive trying to hold on to the memories and find the song.  I found it on youtube. I took a few more sips of air and let a few more out.

I found a video taped performance not just the song with the words scrolling up the screen, to bore me, clicked the play button and inhaled like I was smoking a freshly lit Newport.

I glanced at the performers hair and clothing. Their attire adding to the aroma. I filled my lungs with the 70’s closed my eyes and exhaled a field of sweet clover.

Summertime in the 70’s as a child flowed out my nostrils. Long car rides  at night with my mom. Pringles with my cousin on the porch of my Grandmother’s 7th and Greenbay Ave., home in Milwaukee, I-43 not more than 50 feet away, humming with happy adults coming and going. Living……

I was a child again, still innocent. Bouncing to Antioch Missionary Baptist Church on 20th and Atkinson to fellowship with my entire family. Back to when my biggest worry was if Grandmother would buy me a cheeseburger and fries from McDonalds. Yeast from the bread factory filled the air around the Hillside Projects where my Great Grandmother lived. Grass was green without sod and people loved each other. The song proved this. Nothing so perfect could come from a negative era in history.

Songbird…

I exhaled then inhaled a songbird. I was engulfed with a simpler way of life. I was so innocent. I didn’t know anything about racism. In my world Christian’s didn’t hate. Jim Jones was pure evil still, people eventually found a way to forgive him.  Terror was my Mom picking me up from Grandmother’s house before I could inhale more fun. This melody, now playing in my head, heart and mind filled me with love and once again I was innocent. And Alive….And happy.

The song was coming to an end. I wanted to hit repeat but I didn’t. I inhaled deeply once more then let the memories flow into the cool breeze, with complete understanding that all I had to do was push play again and I could go back….

I exhaled “Close To You”, by The Carpenters then sat down and wrote a blog about music….

http://www.The1Essence.com

http://www.The1EssenceRadio.com

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Music in Me

I love music.  No. Really! I LOVE MUSIC. Anytype of music (lol). Well, except heavy metal. Well, maybe not ALL heavy metal. I guess the point is…Well, I guess you’ve figured it out. I love music.

Music seems to encompass me, engulf me, fill me up then jet out of the top of my head. Spraying all around me in a beautiful rainbow of colored crystals, that shatter as they hit the ground in magnificent, melodic sync, encompassing me, engulfing me, filling me up all over again.

I love music so much I branded and operate my own internet streaming radio station. I’m not bragging because it truly is a labor of love. It started as a Friday night get together for me and some of my facebook friends on Blog Talk Radio. I would upload some of my collection of classic soul music and play the songs on air while we all gathered in the chatroom and revealed in sharing memories the songs evoked.

((sigh))

Those were good times. Easy times. Until I found out you couldn’t play copyrighted music using that website. And, I was at risk of being sued or heavily fined. So, I found another site. Then the licensing for internet streaming radio took effect and I had to find yet a licensed server to broadcast on. The list of speed  bumps grew as my listening audience increased and the weekly format became a 24 hour a day internet streaming radio station. With less and less revealing in our special group going on and more individual listening sporadically became the norm.

My enjoyment of this special time with my friends turned into my estudious search for quality equipment, daily and weekly programing, searching for and finding talk show hosts, musical genre specific dj’s, mobile apps, branded website, making sure the broadcast clarity was perfect and adeptly licensed with the ever changing rules and all the real headaches of actually running a business in the red. Playtime was over. I wasn’t having much fun anymore. Running the station was work, and that was after I had worked a 9 to 5.  And, all my music loving friends began to give way to an international listening audience who didn’t care to interact with each other. They just wanted to hear good music.

But, I love music. So, I am the owner of an internet streaming radio station. I even started my own weekly talk show. “Let’s Talk Music with The1Essence”.  Where I would interview artist who had an new CD to promote or just wanted some “extra” exposure.  Now, THAT was amazing. I have interviewed STARS! People I would have never thought  of having a simple conversation with. My most exciting being R&B artist Glenn Jones!

I had a serious crush on him growing up! while everyone was still crushing on Michael Jackson I was listening to “grown folks” music. Glen Jones was IT for me!  I may not have known what the song meant as a teenager but as I played the cassette tape over and over again, I knew I was ready for someone  to “Show Me” what they had to do! Wheeew! I still get chills in unmentionable places when I hear that song. My co-host RM Green and I barely made it through that interview….

The most memorable one was the Performer Exquisite, Melba Moore. She was so elegant and graceful and wise. I learned a lot about the hard work those we admired so much in the music industry endure. It ain’t always pretty but it’s worth it!

But soon, even interviewing my most beloved Artists became a chore. I moved to South Florida and my entire world changed. Working my 9 to 5 was rough! And rough is definitely an understatement. So I stopped doing the weekly show. My bills didn’t pay themselves and I was still footing the bill for the station in it’s entirety so, work came first. The station went on but the show stopped. I am looking forward to hosting shows again after my retirement though.

I wish it was more of a cozy friendly environment again. I wish all those music loving FaceBook friends could get together again and chat it up over days gone by, giving new life to music seemingly tossed aside. Still the station plays on. The international audience is still growing. People are still listening. And, I still love music.

It evokes the most precious of  memories, motivates me, soothes me, swallows me whole.

It seems to encompass me, engulf me, fill me up then jet out of the top of my head. Spraying all around me in a beautiful rainbow of colored crystals, that shatter as they hit the ground in magnificent, melodic sync, encompassing me, engulfing me, filling me up all over again.

So, now I don’t just listen to it and play it on the station,  I occasionally write about it……Just don’t ask me to sing ((smile)).

~The1Essence