South Florida Federal Madness Introduction

crime scene do not cross signage
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usa flag waving on white metal pole

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So, I have been retired from employment with the Federal Government after 28 years of service (not including military time) since October of 2018. Before my retirement I witnessed firsthand a plethora of atrocities against employees at the hands of less than honorable management staff in the South Florida area. Mainly during my employment with the Social Security Administration, hearing office in Miami, Florida from September of 2010 to my retirement last October.
Since my retirement I have been mulling over these incidents repeatedly in my head. Sort of like someone with PTSD will relive moment of trauma. I started and stopped and started again to write down my experiences in effort to purge myself of them. This time, unemployed, recently diagnosed with breast cancer and feeling as though I have nothing more to lose; here we are today.
I can honestly say the years I lived in South Florida were the worst I have experienced living anywhere. Not just because of the high cost of living and the overt racism and class-ism, but because the working conditions at the Miami hearing office were the worst out of the other five hearing offices around the Country I worked, that I had ever seen. What those employees, including myself endured daily, at the hands of onsite frequently hostile management and, with the approval of the regional office management was nothing short of deplorable. And now, I am going to tell my story. Uncut….
I’m not going to change any names. I won’t list last names to protect privacy but, these are MY experiences. And I have a right to speak on them. To tell my story. Which unfortunately mimics the stories of others who are still employed by that Agency and can not speak for fear of reprisal. Reprisal that runs rampant at the least offence.
If my introduction seems harsh and over dramatic, I ask for no forgiveness. These are REAL experiences. Documented experiences. And, none the less truthful experiences. I lived through these experiences with all their dramatic and traumatizing affects. Facing cancer and cancer treatment, I have to purge. As a private citizen, I can and I will.

On to day one….

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Blood Moon Blues

Silhouette of couple kissing under full moon. Guy kiss girl hand on full moon silhouette background. Valentine`s day decor concept. Silhouette of loving couple kissing against the moon

Photo Credit zeferli 123rf.com

This morning I find myself unable to sleep sipping cold water and listening to Ambrosia (The anthology) with the song “How Much I Feel” on inescapably on repeat. Inescapably….Like the song, that word is binding me. I can’t escape my Blood Moon Sunday 2019 experiences. Not the physical ones, the emotional ones and, their psychological effects.

 

Unlike everyone else, I had no desire to view the Blood Moon. I was back in South Florida visiting friends and really didn’t and don’t understand the excitement behind it.  But, I felt it. Yes, I know I’m rambling. I’m getting there….wait for it.

One particular friend I was overly excited to spend time with. We dated while I lived in Florida. We argued and disagreed while I lived in Florida. And, I closed him out and added his headstone to the already overcrowded backyard in my memory (Short story; I’ll write about it on a later date. Just know my cutoff game is swift). Still there was something in the air it seemed, calling my soul to see him this weekend.  And our schedules managed to sync on Blood Moon Sunday 2019.

Now, let me clarify something. I’m single, There are some men from my past I prefer not to entertain for any reason what so ever. But not this one. I can’t shake him from my Spirit. I need to see him each and every time I visit S. Florida. I can’t even try to explain why because there were so many discrepancies in our situation that I can’t even define it as a relationship.  As far as I know, my friend is single. I haven’t asked. I don’t want to give him a reason to lie to me. Lies are the deal breaker with me. As the saying goes, “scratch a liar, catch a thief…”. Even the simplest lie will have me questioning everything you say to me from that point on.  Trust ain’t an easy thang….

“I don’t know how
This whole business started
Of you thinkin’ that
I had been untrue”

Late Sunday evening the air was cool and thick in Fort Lauderdale. From the moment he let me know he was on his way to see me it felt like I was inhaling and exhaling ice cold fresh milk. At the same time I was sweating. Not profusely. Just slightly, across the forehead.  My body temperature was rising. Gone was my normally cool composure. I was excited. And like the Pointer Sisters so energetically put it “I’m about to lose control and I think I like it, I’m so excited . And I just can’t hide it.”.  At this moment is the only way I could explain what I was feeling. But, as I write this, it’s Ambrosia and, “How Much I Feel”, supplying the fuel for my curren’t unorganized thoughts.

Me and my music. My music and me. It controls me, it consumes me, engulfs me…The Music in Me...

“Oh no, I’d give it all and
Then I’d, give some more
If you would only love me
Like you had before”

When he finally arrived I was able to pull myself together and feign a bit of composure.  I didn’t immediately jump his bones (the thought was there intertwined with the sweat condensing on my forehead).  I managed a well controlled hug. Then it happened. I felt the moon being overshadowed by the earth. The air was so thick. My friend, slowly, gently, almost innocently kissed my sweaty forehead then my lips before pulling from our embrace.  Two days later the air is still thick.  And, I am not in control of my emotions.

“Oh, take hold of my hand
And all will be forgiven…”

silhouette couple in fashionable clothes on a shiny background

Photo Credit Ruslan Grigoriev and 123rf.com

The kisses didn’t stop with the end of our embrace. My friend showered me with kisses in between conversation and ummm, congress and well after, until I felt myself falling asleep.  Can you imagine the intensity of being softly kissed to sleep? Before Blood Moon Sunday 2019, I couldn’t. Now I can’t shake it and I am not used to not being in control. I can’t sleep. So, I listen to music and, I write….

“Oh no, there’s just something
That I got to say
Sometimes when we make love
I still can see your face
Ooh, just try to recall
When we were as one, yeah”

He missed me. I missed him. We missed us. The Blood Moon and it magnetic forces were in control, consuming us. And now I am believer. Although, I still don’t know what to do about the plethora of intense emotions left in its wake.

I have a 6:30am flight in a few hours back to my grandchildren in Virginia.  I’ll have plenty of time to think about what I will say to him during our next phone call. And, hopefully, the power of the Blood Moon will still have a strong hold over us when I come back to visit next month. Power strong enough to last until the next Blood Moon. Those  moments had intensity I need to relive over and over again because, I never want to forget.

“That’s how much I feel
Feel for you baby
How much I need
I need your touch
How much I live
I live for your lovin’
That’s how much
That’s how much
That’s how much
That’s how much…”

Goodnight. ~The1Essence

http://www.The1Essence.com   www.The1EssenceRadio.com  ww.ordinarywomanmemoirs.com

 

 

3 Working Days Left

My goodness. I’m so close….But, my South Florida PTSD has kicked and i’m nauseated. When I lived in South Florida, everything that could go wrong did. Mostly stemming from my job. So, i’m just trying to stay low key and deal with the anxiety until 3pm Friday afternoon. Retirement will be grand!

I honestly can’t wait to put down my 10 years of experience in South Florida on the blog. There truly need to be some changes made. I hope the right person wins the Governor’s race because the anxiety level so high there. It’s a tense situation. It’s beautiful there but most families struggle to make ends meet. And the racism….SMH

Well, my lunch break is over. Let me get back to work before I get a screenshot of something i’m not doing…I think I can take time tonight to blog about South Florida’s housing crisis.


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